Have been listening to lotsa Doll Trash's music lately.. Somehow, i feel nostalgic about the days and how much fun the band used to have together. I guess the best pieces of music we ever wrote was "Far from here" and "Self Affinity", despite the fact that we werent very strong musically then. But nevertheless, thank you guys for giving me the opportunity to improve on my instrument; i have seen how much we've changed throughout the two years.. I do not think id ever be drumming still if Doll Trash ceased to exist. I love everyone of you guys - Inez, Cindy, Din, Chuck, Dan, Sam and last but not least, Trav.. I take all the memories, whether good or bad with me because they helped me to grow and they made me who i am now. I do not regret any decisions i made during that period, neither do i regret ever working with you doll trashers. :) I love you guys so much, it kinda hurts thinking about it coz i really miss you guys..

"Self affiinity" really speaks to me now i guess. Inez wrote the lyrics based on a true life experience. The lyrics to the chorus goes like this:


"We're going round in circles,
I'm sick of all these games.
Trying hard to please you but
I'm failing anyway.

Now it's come to this to know
When it's just time to quit.
Coz all i ever did was give in to you."

I never really thought her song made sense until now. Everybody says being in a relationship means sacrificing and showing unconditional love. Sometimes, you try doing these things but at the same time, you wouldnt know whether what youre doing would go to waste right? Of course, you hope youd have a perfect relationship but how would you know if youre being played? For now, i really dont fucking care anymore. When i love someone, i just wanna love him whole heartedly. Whether or not i get played, it doesnt matter because i have done my part. I am over and done with my past and if i do get played, i guess id just move on to the better things in life. I wanna see things beautiful again and not something dark, ugly and all gory.. Right now, i like the honesty. I hate keeping secrets. Why do people have secrets? Well, it's coz they are ashamed of them and they dont wanna hurt the people they love. I dont have them anymore coz i have spilled them on the floor, and it's right there, written in my blood for you.. I have swallowed my pride, just so you know that i love you...

Spent the night at baby's, well i didnt plan to.. Watched 2 movies - Or rather, 2 and a half. American History X was good, though kinda long and not to mention, sad. I'm so glad im of mixed blood coz it shows of how multi-racial i am. Heh. I saw quite a few boobies and dicks, not that i havent seen any. It was kinda funny though.. Watched half of Moulin Rouge as well.. It was comical, and baby liked that movie alot. Nicole Kidman acted as what's her name? Satine or something.. Reminded me of literature class in MI and we were learning about satires and comedies and stuff.. Good times, good times..

Tml's monday.. Might be the worse monday of all the mondays put together.. I am thankful that i'm in the show but really, it has tested me. It is not easy working with people you hardly know and are hardly close to.. Sometimes there are things you just dont understand about each other..

Fuck this life.
(i just got reminded of something Trav used to say to me. He used to say that my bog entries were emo. Haha how true. :P)

Have been listening to lotsa Doll Trash's music lately.. Somehow, i feel nostalgic about the days and how much fun the band used to have together. I guess the best pieces of music we ever wrote was "Far from here" and "Self Affinity", despite the fact that we werent very strong musically then. But nevertheless, thank you guys for giving me the opportunity to improve on my instrument; i have seen how much we've changed throughout the two years.. I do not think id ever be drumming still if Doll Trash ceased to exist. I love everyone of you guys - Inez, Cindy, Din, Chuck, Dan, Sam and last but not least, Trav.. I take all the memories, whether good or bad with me because they helped me to grow and they made me who i am now. I do not regret any decisions i made during that period, neither do i regret ever working with you doll trashers. :) I love you guys so much, it kinda hurts thinking about it coz i really miss you guys..

"Self affiinity" really speaks to me now i guess. Inez wrote the lyrics based on a true life experience. The lyrics to the chorus goes like this:


"We're going round in circles,
I'm sick of all these games.
Trying hard to please you but
I'm failing anyway.

Now it's come to this to know
When it's just time to quit.
Coz all i ever did was give in to you."

I never really thought her song made sense until now. Everybody says being in a relationship means sacrificing and showing unconditional love. Sometimes, you try doing these things but at the same time, you wouldnt know whether what youre doing would go to waste right? Of course, you hope youd have a perfect relationship but how would you know if youre being played? For now, i really dont fucking care anymore. When i love someone, i just wanna love him whole heartedly. Whether or not i get played, it doesnt matter because i have done my part. I am over and done with my past and if i do get played, i guess id just move on to the better things in life. I wanna see things beautiful again and not something dark, ugly and all gory.. Right now, i like the honesty. I hate keeping secrets. Why do people have secrets? Well, it's coz they are ashamed of them and they dont wanna hurt the people they love. I dont have them anymore coz i have spilled them on the floor, and it's right there, written in my blood for you.. I have swallowed my pride, just so you know that i love you...

Spent the night at baby's, well i didnt plan to.. Watched 2 movies - Or rather, 2 and a half. American History X was good, though kinda long and not to mention, sad. I'm so glad im of mixed blood coz it shows of how multi-racial i am. Heh. I saw quite a few boobies and dicks, not that i havent seen any. It was kinda funny though.. Watched half of Moulin Rouge as well.. It was comical, and baby liked that movie alot. Nicole Kidman acted as what's her name? Satine or something.. Reminded me of literature class in MI and we were learning about satires and comedies and stuff.. Good times, good times..

Tml's monday.. Might be the worse monday of all the mondays put together.. I am thankful that i'm in the show but really, it has tested me. It is not easy working with people you hardly know and are hardly close to.. Sometimes there are things you just dont understand about each other..

Fuck this life.
(i just got reminded of something Trav used to say to me. He used to say that my bog entries were emo. Haha how true. :P)